whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
