Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
no, he came in my armpit
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
