Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
