You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You left your phone here
Wait...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
