I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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