So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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