Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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