dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
