Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
