dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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