Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
