my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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