can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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