i don't like sucking hair
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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