I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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