Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
