The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize