i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
