Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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