just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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