So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My boob is missing a layer of skin
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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