it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
