ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize