I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
