i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
