apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
