He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
