Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
