I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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