Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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