im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
