Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
