biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
