Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
