i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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