So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
