a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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