dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
