Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someone shit on the floor
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
