Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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