2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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