For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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