apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize