Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Let's get the cat blown out
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
