I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
