You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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