I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
