we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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