There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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