Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
