If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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