I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's Friday. Sex?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
