I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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