I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
