the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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