can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
