By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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