i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
