I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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