I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
